Healing Through Self-Reflection
We’ve got to start looking inward. By doing so, we can identify and heal different parts of ourselves. Instead of being triggered by others and reacting negatively, we have the opportunity to heal those parts that crave validation, love, or simply being seen.
When we react to others—whether it’s a comment we don’t agree with or some other negative behavior—it’s more about us than the person we think needs to be corrected. This is a practice, a chance to evolve and grow into who we’re meant to be. It’s far better than running around reacting to everything we see that’s “wrong” in others, like a child.
Two weeks ago, I posted a video about how your daughter’s first period won’t be perfect. For the past eight years, I’ve been conducting Journey to Womanhood workshops for girls and Menarche (first period-welcome to womanhood) ceremonies. I’ve worked with over fifty mothers consciously preparing their daughters for their first period. But often, despite their best efforts, they still feel unprepared and nervous. They worry about their daughter getting her period at summer camp or the weekend of competing in state finals which are all real-life scenarios. They voice these concerns in circle, and they are all valid. Most likely it will happen when we least expect it and the most trying time. Yes, we can try to orchestrate the perfect moment in our heads for the big day, but in all the families I’ve witnessed, it rarely happens as planned. Life just unfolds, and we do our best in the moment. That’s it. The gifts and celebrations will come, and they will be wonderful.
The video was simply to reassure moms that it’s okay—that it’s all okay. It’s perfect because they’ve put so much love and intention into this day. Don’t get stressed out, to have the moms be heard and validated brings a lot of reassurance they are not alone, and they are really doing a great job.
Within two days, I received a negative comment shaming me for sharing my experience with my daughter’s first period. The comment criticized me for being insensitive to my daughter and her privacy.
Of course, I had received permission from my daughter to share the experience, but what the commenter didn’t understand is how much work my daughter and I have done around this subject. We’ve shared this story so many times in a safe, healing space that we no longer have emotional attachments to it. It’s just who we are, and we love that part of us. The people who have not yet healed from their own wounds around this subject are the ones who get triggered. They can’t look inward and heal their own pain, so instead, they react, attaching their hurt to the person who triggered them.
I can say all of this because I know firsthand what it’s like. The first time I told my menarche story aloud, I burst into tears. I was in a circle with moms of daughters all getting ready for their period. Just like the course I teach today. I thought it was kind of weird we were going to talk about this subject, but what I didn’t know is how my life would be forever changed because of it.
When it came my turn I started the story, recounting everything. And then it was like the lights went out…..I kept talking and crying and the pain was so intense, like I lost the concept of space and time, and when I finally stopped I “woke up” and was covered with tears and snot.
It wasn’t that my first period was abusive or traumatic—it was that I felt uncelebrated, unseen, and unimportant. I was emotionally so immature, when thing got tough, I either would overreact or stuff it all down and be the good girl the people pleaser and perfect.
Those feelings had been ignored for years but touched every aspect of me as an adult. When I shared my first period story with a circle of wise, trusting women, there was a part of me that felt safe, and all of those feelings poured out. To this day, I’m still shocked at how powerful that experience was.
Since then, I’ve told this story around 20 times, and I would say that half of those times, the tears came. But now, I feel strength from this story. Every time I share this story in circle it heals another layer. It’s become a part of who I am, and I love it. I have bonded with so many women from sharing our stories of our menarche, and witnessed the courage it takes and healing that comes with it.
Today, I’d like to say to Melissa (name changed for privacy), “Thank you.” Your comment helped trigger something in me that needed healing. For over a year, I’ve hesitated to post more content out of fear of hurting others or being judged. But your comment gave me the space to sit with those fears and heal them. Initially, I took the video down because I thought I was hurting you and my daughter. But I was given another opportunity to heal myself—and maybe, offering you an opportunity to heal too.
Melissa, I’m so grateful for your comment. I’m grateful for this open conversation that will help heal more women and, in turn, create a brighter path for our daughters. Together, we can rise the power of the Divine Feminine and bring more balance, love, and power to the planet.
Moms if you haven’t thought about your first period experience stay tuned for my next blog coming soon.
If you haven’t seen the video yet, please check it out How Your Daughters Period is Not Going to be Perfect.
Here are 5 steps to help you look inward instead of reacting:
- Pause and Breathe
When you feel triggered, take a deep breath. Literally pause before you react. This simple act can break the cycle of emotional reactivity and give you a moment to gather yourself. Check out Mel Robbins book ‘Let Them’ where she easily shares how to do this.
- Ask Yourself: “Why Is This Triggering Me?”
Instead of focusing on the person who triggered you, ask yourself why their comment or behavior is affecting you. What part of you is being activated? What unhealed wound is this moment revealing?
- Acknowledge Your Emotions
Rather than suppressing your feelings, acknowledge them. Allow yourself to feel anger, frustration, or hurt, but don’t let those feelings dictate your response. Recognize them, process them, and then decide how you want to act.
- Take Responsibility for Your Feelings
Remember that your feelings are your own. No one can “make” you feel something unless you give them permission. Taking responsibility for your feelings gives you the power to choose how you react.
- Shift Your Focus
Instead of focusing on what you don’t like about the other person or situation, try to shift your attention inward. What lesson or growth opportunity is being offered in this moment? How can this challenge help you evolve?